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JerseySmarts.com

The Definition of Pathetic

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Microsoft is hoping to duplicate the rabid success of Nintendo’s Wii by re-creating the Wii Remote for use with XBox 360. For all of the younger gamers out there, this is exactly what Microsoft did when it took over Netscape as the top internet browser in the late 1990’s and this is how Microsoft began to dominate the personal computer market.

Granted, I do not think this will be successful because all of the bad things about Microsoft and Windows (poor customer support, extremely high prices for a mediocre product, and unexplained stall-outs on the hardware) are present on the XBox 360 and gamers are famously fickle about such issues. However, this is pretty pathetic. The gaming division at Microsoft lumped all of its hopes in bigger and better, but much like their personal computing division, they didn’t ask the consumer what they wanted. The same problem happened with Sony and the miserable sales performance of PlayStation 3.

Nintendo created a new gaming experience at a reasonable cost with a decent presentation and they’re decimating the competition. Will high-definition gaming take over the market at some point? Absolutely. But that time is not now nor is it in the near future. Gamers wanted something new that didn’t cost them a sizable portion of their paychecks and Nintendo delivered. No fake XBox 360 wand will be able to replace that fact.

But it’ll be fun to watch Microsoft try…

Waste of Time: The Barbie Bandits Protest

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The Georgia chapter of the NAACP is questioning the sentences handed down to those two bimbos in the infamous “Barbie Bandits” bank heist cases. They are questioning why the two young white women received less harsh sentences than the two black men involved in the case.

In an attempt to save the great state of Georgia – and its hardworking taxpayers – some money, let me quote from the CBS article linked above:

Michael Chastang, 28, was sentenced to 10 years for being the mastermind of the robbery, and bank teller Bennie Allen III, 23, who pleaded guilty, was sentenced to five years. Both men are black. Chastang also is serving 15 years on unrelated drug-trafficking charges and Allen was on probation for a drug conviction.

So one of these fellows had additional drug-trafficking charges on his plate and the other one was on probation for a prior drug conviction. The dopey blondes did not have any such prior or contingent records. Is there really a need for an investigation here? If you commit a crime and then commit ANOTHER crime, your penalty is harsher – bottom line.

Geez, some people are just stupid…

The Clintons and Al Gore on a Plane…

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Found this e-mail from about two years ago buried in my “saved e-mails” folder. I got a kick out of reading it again – I hope you do, too!

Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.”

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy”.

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, “Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, “I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.”

Ha ha ha! Go Chelsea!

Remember, Fifty Dollars is Fifty Dollars

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More jokes from the archive. I’ve deleted some 150 e-mails so far and there are only a few thousand left to go – so keep checking back!

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.”

Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair and Morris said, “Esther, I am 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter now, I might never get another chance.” Esther replied, “Morris, that helicopter is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

The pilot overheard the couple and said, “I’ll make you a deal. I will take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you. But if you say one word, it’s fifty dollars.”

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed.”

Morris replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

Ha ha ha! Terrible humor, but funny!

They Walk Among Us…Unreal

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This e-mail has been sitting in my mail folder for almost a year. It’s called, “They Walk Among Us,” and it refers to the many completely clueless people that are out there in this world. For those of you that have seen the movie Idiocracy, this is the beginning of the end!

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again…same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
—— They Walk Among Us

I walked into a Mickey D’s with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said “buy one-get one free.” “They’re already buy-one-get-one-free”, she said, “so I guess they’re both free” She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.
——They Walk Among Us

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, “Look at that dead bird!” Someone looked up at the sky and said, “Where?”
——They Walk Among Us!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?” When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, “Oh I don’t keep up with that stuff.”
—— They Walk Among Us!!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”
—— They Walk Among Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
—— They Walk Among Us!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
—— They Walk Among Us!

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?”
—— They Walk Among Us!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”
—— They Walk Among Us!

The sad thing is that we all know people like this…dummies.