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Happy New Year and a Prosperous 2010, Everyone!

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Happy New Year, folks! I hope that you all had a safe and happy New Year’s Eve last night, celebrating the arrival of 2010 in whatever way you saw fit. Personally, I kept my New Year’s Eve festivities very low key. After a quick dinner with one of my roommates and two of our buddies I watched the ball drop from the comfort and warmth of my bedroom. Last night was the first time in many years that I opted not to go to a party to watch the ball drop and it was very relaxing, calming, and enjoyable. 🙂

Happy New Year!

Just a bit of commentary on the New Year’s Eve celebration in Times Square, New York City last night… I watched the FOX News coverage of the parting in Times Square last night and after watching the people in the Square on the television all night, I have a few observations. First, they’re all nuts! Who would want to be out there in the cold and sleet and nasty weather with crazy people all around you? Blech! Not me. Sure, at some point in my adult life I’d like to ring in the New Year by making the pilgrimage tp New York City’s Times Square, but I’ll wait for a much warmer winter to come around before that happens.

Second, most of the people in Times Square seem to be tourists. This prompted one of my roommates and I to comment that all of the real New Yorkers are probably watching (and laughing) from the comfort of a local bar or their own homes! But thank God for those tourists bringing their economic power to the City. Tourists help keep local economies afloat and all local people thank tourists for their purchases!

Finally, I included “prosperous” in the title of this post because I really do hope that 2010 and the entire coming decade is a prosperous one for all of my family members, friends, and readers of this blog. The last decade saw too many people lose a lot of money in a variety of markets. First the technology and “.com” bubble burst and then the housing bubble exploded a few years later. In the past few years the stock market went on a slide, though it seems to be recovering. There are many people out there – myself included – who managed to make the best of these situations and actually wound up in a much better financial position than before these crises! But there are far too many people who are suffering economically, physically, and mentally so I hope that the wealth of prosperity and happiness (and so much more) come to more people in the next ten years.

As for the rest of today – sit back, relax, and enjoy the day off!

Thinking About the Last Decade

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Hey – did you know that it’s going to be 2010 in a little while? And oh, hey – did you know that it’s going to be a new decade, too? Honestly, I don’t pay attention to the years enough to be aware of the fact that this is a new decade that we’re entering. I guess that’s somewhat exciting, but it makes you reflect back on what the last ten years gave to (and took away from) all of us…

Personally, the biggest event for me in the last decade was my Father’s passing. I suppose that anyone who has lost a parent would understand how that’s a huge event in a person’s life. So in terms of what the biggest event of the last ten years was for me – it was definitely losing my Dad to Alzheimer’s and lung cancer.

However, let’s try to think happy thoughts as this year and this decade come to a close. Some big, happy events for me in the last ten years include being the first in my family to graduate from college and then the first in my family to graduate from Graduate School. Those two days were pretty great (although the undergraduate graduation ceremony itself wasn’t really that great since it was a downpour and they messed up the reserved parking for my family). I was also pretty excited to be my buddy’s best man at his wedding this past summer – so that ranks up there somewhere in the Top 10 moments of the last decade for me.

I’d also put the announcement that my older brother was engaged as well as my younger brother’s graduation from high school on that list (those events are always fun). I was also glad to be hired by the current company that I work for as well as the local college to do some teaching. I’ll be beginning the New Year teaching an online course at a second college, but I was hired by that college a few months ago so it still counts as an event for this decade.

The last decade also introduced me to the realities of trying to be healthy in a fast-paced professional world. I went from weighing some 385 pounds when I graduated college in 2003 to weighing 260 pounds by the summer of 2005 – that’s a 125 pound weight loss. I worked out and ate less (I didn’t really “diet” – I just controlled my portions) for about a year starting in March 2004 and ending with my gall bladder being removed in June 2005. My doctor told me that my gall bladder was creating huge gallstones because I lost too much weight too fast. You just can’t win, right? Since the summer of 2005, I’ve gained back about 80 pounds. I attribute that weight gain to getting hired full time in the summer of 2006 in a location that was an hour’s drive from my house. In other words, the two hours that I used to spend in the gym each day I now spend in the car…sitting…doing nothing. Not good. Plus, two or three nights during the week I wind up at the local college either taking a class or teaching a class. In the coming decade (really in the coming year), I have to figure out how to spend more time in the gym.

Finally, like the rest of America I would suggest that September 11th was a major turning point in all of our lives. It made us realize that there is real evil in this world and that those evil people don’t like the idea of America so they choose to attack that idea as it is manifested each and every day – in other words, they choose to attack innocent people.

Let’s hope for greater prosperity in 2010 and for the whole upcoming decade!

Unnecessary Complications: Long Lines at the Post Office!

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Why is it that the lines at the Oakhurst Post Office in Monmouth County are always jam packed?! I was over at the post office about two days before Christmas (which means that everyone already had their holiday packages sent) and the line was at least 8 people deep in the middle of the day. First of all, why weren’t these people at work?! I wasn’t at work because I took a personal day – what’s their excuse?

Second, why is it that this particular post office is always jam packed with people? I know that the people working there are absolutely amazing (they really are the best postal employees that I’ve ever encountered – kind, courteous, knowledgeable, etc), but I just can’t understand why this post office is always filled up with customers. There aren’t a great abundance of post office boxes and the location of the building is slightly off of a main highway, so I don’t know if that has any impact on the traffic. But I do know that when I go to this particular post office, I usually have to wait about 10 minutes in line before I get to the teller.

Which brings up another point – why isn’t there an express lane at this post office? With the amount of traffic that comes through this place, you’d expect that they would put in a “fast lane” for people who are sending one envelope or who are just buying stamps. Instead, I often get caught behind people with dozens (no exaggeration) of boxes from their personal eBay businesses. I guess Ocean Township in Monmouth County is a hotbed of activity for eBay businesses or something. Weird.

Anyway, I went into this post office a few days before Christmas to send one package to a charity that I support on the West Coast and it took me about 20 minutes to send out a single package (which I had pre-packed before I arrived at the building). It was absolutely amazing and definitely an unnecessary complication for someone trying to complete a bunch of errands before heading away for the Christmas holiday.

Holiday Humor – The Christmas Party Memo

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My apologies on this entry coming in WAY later than originally anticipated. Better late than never, right? Anyway, on with the post as I prepared it…before Christmas!

Over the years different variations of this joke have crossed by my inbox. The latest variation was sent to me the other day by my Mom and I got a kick out of it (again) and thought I should share! Actually, this is a longer version of the joke that I received in the e-mail, so I think that an extended version of the fake e-mail chain would provide some extra humor.

MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
RE: Christmas PARTY ON DEC. 23RD
DATE: DEC. 1ST

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other type of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table … you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”; you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE
ALLOWED.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps Luigi’s can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party — the days are so short this time of year — or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice…what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi’s prohibit the burning of sage by our “earth-based Goddess-worshiping” employees, but we’ll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the
band’s breaks. Okay???

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of “Santa” does happen to be “Satan,” there is no evil connotation to our own “little man in a red suit.” It’s a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine’s Day.

Could we lighten up? Please????????? Also the company has changed their mind in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail sent to your home.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #%&$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The %#*&^%@*%^Holiday Party

I have no #%&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What the %#&^!@ do I care…I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your address now and you are dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!!!!!!!!!!!

Vegetarians!?!?!? I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right now! > HA !

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Brief Thoughts on Christmas and Vacation Plans

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Can it be Monday again already? Geez… It seems like the holidays come quicker and quicker each year and they fly by just as fast. It’s amazing, really. I had a great Christmas this year which started with my Mom’s annual Christmas Eve Party with the family and into a great Christmas morning with my Mom and brothers. My younger cousin’s baby girl was at the Christmas Eve Party (she’s one and a half years old). She was opening presents that my Mom and the family got for her and she seemed to love it. You know, no one appreciates or enjoys the thrill of opening a present on Christmas morning (or in this case, Christmas Eve), than a young kid. They just love it and it’s fun to watch their excitement!

I’m on vacation from work this week (actually, my vacation started after work this past Tuesday night, but who’s keeping track anyway?). I don’t have to be back in the office until next Monday, January 4th, 2010. Including today, that leaves me with seven more days of vacation before going back to the office and I plan on doing as little as possible during the next seven days!

Last year during this same time frame I went on a “staycation” and it was the only time during the entire year that I actually relaxed and unwound from the office. While I have some preparatory work to do for the new class that I created and am now teaching at the local college this spring, I hope to achieve the same level of rest and relaxation that I achieved last year at this time. Between teaching the new class at the local college, accepting an online teaching position at a statewide online college, running my website company, serving as a Trustee on the national board of my fraternity’s foundation, and my day job – I’ve got a big spring season ahead of me. When factoring that I might have to pickup and move to a new place at the end of my current lease, everything becomes all the more complicated.

But hey, if you’re not busy, then you’re not living – right? 🙂

I have a bunch of backlogged entries to upload to the blog (last I counted there were some 20 entries waiting to be uploaded). So be sure that you stick around this week and see what’s going on at JerseySmarts.com!