So, I’m boarding a pug dog for my Mom this week because she’s on vacation. This means, obviously, that I have to walk the little guy which is fine with me. I actually like the dog and I think he likes me, so it’s a win-win relationship here!
Now I have a large, 95% unused CVS parking lot next to my building. As one would imagine, this is where I walk my dog. And, as anyone who lives here year-round knows, this is also on Roosevelt Avenue which seems to turn into the Tourist Speedway in the summer months. In other words, once the end of June comes, these ratty brats from New York come and use our local roads racetracks.
I guess that most of you see where this outrage is going…
I was just outside walking the dog and as we’re crossing over the entrance to this largely unused parking lot, two bastard little bitches come speeding into the entranceway in a little woman-colored gold piece of shit car. They stop short to avoid hitting me and – more importantly – the dog. I really didn’t move and the dog could have cared less, but the high school-aged scumbag driver had to be a tough guy and yell, “Get the fuck out of the way!” As he yells this I see a look of dread in his friend’s eye – turns out that the teenage, idiot 120-pound punk bitch driver forgot that his window was cracked and I could hear him. So I stop, turn and look at the little bitch and say, “What the fuck did you say?”
Bear in mind, folks, that I’m on the plus size of 300 pounds and that most of these little bitches who “summer” in Deal are afraid of us locals who are larger than the front end of their car. I know this for a fact – I’ve lived and/or worked in Deal for almost a decade. There are two things that are certain about these idiot tourists. One, they fear large people with a bit of a whacked out look in their eye. Two, they fear dogs. I don’t get the second one, but I’ve seen young idiot tourist children jump from the side of a building, across the sidewalk, and into the street to get away from a dachshund. Really. And I won’t even get into how the tough-guy teenagers react when they see rottweilers and even bigger dogs – let’s just say that the tough- guy bullshit seems to end when they’re out of their safe zone!
Anyway, after I asked the kid, “What the fuck did you say,” in a calm, yet seemingly maniac tone, he just sort of whimpered, “Uhhh, move…” Poor little bitch was scared. So as I walked away, he honked his horn, I gave him the one-finger salute, and continued to walk away.
As fast as the little pugs’ legs could take him across the street and up to my apartment, I got the pug upstairs and ran back downstairs and back over to the CVS parking lot. Unfortunately, the big tough guy in his beat-up piece of shit car that was too scared to step out of it when he actually looked me in the eye and his boyfriend were gone. Too bad, I wouldn’t have minded putting them through the pavement for a while.
The moral of the story here (other than my rage) is that if you’re a summer-time tourist somewhere, has some fucking respect for the place that you shit on 3 months out of the year. Don’t go bitching about how your summer dollars sustain our local economies because that’s patented bullshit and anyone who knows anything about rental markets can tell you such. And if you see a big dude walking a dog…slow the fuck down! Because that big dude might be me and I might just not be too fucking pleased with two guys who, combined, weigh less than left leg telling me to get the fuck out of the way. Not smart, benny…not smart.
I was a BENNY this past weekend. I was looking out for your dog.
Ha ha! Thanks – I appreciate it!