My Father’s Passing

This is one of those posts where there is no good place to start, so I’ll just begin.

Early in the morning on July 9, 2007, my Dad passed away from a combination of lung cancer and Alzheimer’s Disease. His official cause of death was just lung cancer. My Dad was 80 years old when he passed – he lived a long, full life full of family and friends. That still hasn’t made the past week any easier for my family or me. We miss him incredibly – more than any of us could have ever imagined.

The last week was a constant paradox – some days were filled with happy times with our family while other days were the hardest, toughest days of our lives. Absolutely nothing in my life has been harder than losing my Dad. Nothing.

My Dad had some pains – oddly enough – on the night of his sister’s (my Aunt’s) wake. That night he had some tests run and a few days later, he was diagnosed with advanced stage 4b lung cancer and given about 6 months to live. The Lord works in mysterious ways, right? Now, if you know my Dad then you won’t be surprised that his first response to this news was, “Those Doctors are crazy! I feel fine.” It was reassuring to see him so strong in the face of a certain, terminal diagnosis when in private, my entire family cried due to the terminal nature of his diseases.

He chose to not have any treatment partly because he thought that the doctors were wrong (it’s an old Italian thing – they don’t trust doctors) and partly because he was in declining health as it was. Believe it or not, in the last ten years my Father beat a series of multiple heart attacks, a stroke, had his gall bladder removed, and overcame a bad case of stomach problems. He was as strong as an ox! His choice to not fight against the cancer placed him in the care of a local visiting nurse service, which was actually a part of the local Compassionate Care Hospice. Folks – there is no better group of people on this planet than those nurses in the Compassionate Care Hospice at St. Clare’s Hospital in Dover, New Jersey. These women are literally angels on earth. They face – and defy – death everyday. It’s unbelievable the work that these women do.

I’m a religious guy and I believe in the power of prayer and when my Dad was diagnosed I prayed for the Lord to cure him, but if that wasn’t possible then to comfort him and console our family. Watching those nurses in action at hospice was like watching my prayers come true. It was amazing – almost miraculous – to see these women care for my Dad and comfort him from the point where he fought with them on a daily basis (Alzheimer’s does odd things to a person’s mind) to the point where he needed around the clock assistance.

I also prayed for the Holy Spirit to wrap itself around my Dad and my family and while I saw the Holy Spirit care for my Father at the hospice in the form of these angelic nurses, I also saw the Holy Spirit in the aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends who kept my family in the forefront of their lives. If you don’t believe in religion or the power of prayer – or if you DO believe in these things, but do not believe in the Holy Spirit – then watch as aunts, uncles, and neighbors comfort your Mother leading up to your Father’s death. I promise you it will move you down to your soul.

If you need confirmation of the Holy Spirit’s existence, then watch these people hold you and your family in their arms as your mourn a lost loved one. Folks, the Holy Spirit is alive and well on this earth if you only look for it. Sometimes it will find you when you least expect it and other times it will be there to hold you as you cry outside of the Church at your Father’s funeral.

My Father was the strongest man that I ever knew and the most dedicated man, too. How many men are employed at the age of 79 after heart attacks, a stroke, various intestinal problems, Alzheimer’s, and lung cancer? Not many. And this doesn’t even mention the fact that my Dad fell off a scaffold some 60+ years ago and needed to have one of his ankles fused in a manner such that he could never actually move it again.

How many men in today’s world stay with their wives more than 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? My Mom and Dad were married for 37 and a half years. Unfortunately in today’s world, that’s close to a record.

I miss my Dad – nobody will ever be able to replace him in my life. And while photos, memories, and stories will keep him physically present for the rest of my life, it is my belief, faith, and trust in God and Jesus Christ which assures me that he is in a better place now. My Mother, my brothers, and I will attempt to piece back together a “normal” life…except now we know there is one more angel that is watching over us.